the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
