The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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