Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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