my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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