I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
