Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
