Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
