I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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