I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
