So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
