I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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