Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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