my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
