she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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