He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
