Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
