My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
