remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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