yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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