So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
