my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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