it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
