I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
