Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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