We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
