I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
