He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
