2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
