I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
