Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
