she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
