I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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