Ambien. No doubt about it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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