You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
