i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
