4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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