I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
