did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
