guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
