whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
