Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
