did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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