3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
