so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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