My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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