The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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