I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
