I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
