I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did I show you my penis last night?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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