Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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