This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Mom said you looked used
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
