Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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