If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
